..and who she doesn’t! (for now anyway).
When you have your first baby, everyone is so excited for you, they come and visit, shower you in gifts and praise. It’s all rosy!
Then new mum exhaustion kicks in, sore boobs, the need for space. This is when you need the most support and yet probably don’t want to ask.
We’ve pulled together the top three people you absolutely need in your life during this time.
A friend who’s children are between 2 and 5.
Strange range I know but these Mum’s still very much remember those early days but they are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. They will not overstay their welcome but will turn up at around 10am, loaded with snacks and beverages of choice ready to take your new babe for a quick walk or just hold them so you can shower, rest, go to the supermarket or just generally try and switch off for an hour.
This friend won’t take your lame excuses of being fine and not wanting to be an inconvenience, they will just come in and take over. In six months time you will love them even more for doing this.
A good maternal health nurse.
Baby number 1 attends EVERY. SINGLE. APPOINTMENT. Us new mums, we are by the book, making sure to get those measurements in the green book from day one.
Your maternal health nurse can sometimes make or break you. They will build your confidence up, remind you what a great job you are doing and also be on the look out for any tell tale signs of PND or severe exhaustion.
The other type will fill you with fear, words like failure to thrive, self settle, spoiling them will be thrown around. You do not need this in your life. Request a swap immediately. This person is someone you need to really trust and will be on the motherhood journey with you until your baby is in kinder so putting up with it just isn’t an option.
The honest friend
This friend is also a Mum, perhaps a more experience Mum. She might be chasing, two, three or four children around. Hats off to her! She doesn’t have as much spare time to be popping in all the time but she will be your rock on your darker days.
She will tell you that newborn land can absolutely suck some days and that it is ok not to love every minute. You might even get a reassuring story about the day she completely lost it, left her baby to cry it the cot while she went outside, drank tea and cried herself. Her stories will make you smile and feel normal, even if you are not ready to admit these moments to anyone.
She will send you the latest Netflix series you must watch at 2am while you are the loneliest person in the street, crying, rocking and feeding a little person WHO WILL NOT SLEEP.
She will also deliver you cookies on day four because she knows it’s baby blues time and you’re going to need them.
You might wonder who it is you should avoid.
Your clueless friend.
This one is meant in the nicest possible way. Let’s be honest we have all been this person pre-children. The person who thinks they understand what you are going through but totally doesn’t because no ones understands that new level of exhaustion and being responsible for another life until they actually have a child.
She will turn up at dinner time, bottle of wine in hand for cuddles and chats when all you want to do is put the baby to bed, possibly talk to your husband for 10 minutes and then crash into a coma until bubs wakes in 3 hours time.
She will still invite you to everything (which is so lovely but also reminds you about the life and freedom you left behind) then gets annoyed when you have to say no because it’s sleep or feed time for your baby. I mean don’t babies work around your schedule not the other way around??
Don’t worry, this friendship is not going to end, you’ll need her when you want your first night out….and to bring you a hangover cure in the morning because let’s be honest, she’s in much better drinking form than you are! Plus there will come a day when the tables have turned and you will be her rock.
Also take comfort in the fact that when she has her own children she will feel totally awful about how she behaved because now she truly gets it.
Enjoy the full range of emotions new motherhood brings, it all passes too quickly.